Till wen???

I MISS YOU DAYDEE!!!!!

Sobx3....

FruStration

Everythings seems so fake nowadays...
Just dun understand why....
Dun noe why past people is coming back....
Why now at the point of time when i really not looking for other person except you...
I dun want to hurt people...
I dun want to get hurt...
But the more i drag, the more it worsen..
Wat else i cud do to make things rite??
Im just tired of all this pretending....
This world of denial...
All i ever wanted is to be with you...
And no one else...
PleAse think about it...
Think about our happiness for once...
That'll all im asking from you...
If im not fated to be with you, i'll go for good sake...
Dun make me suffer ani longer...

CoMe to rEaliSe...

All i ever want is you back....
Is you who make me feel the lost...
Is you who make me feel incomplete...
After all this years of thinking & searching for the reason and answers for my question...
I finally realise you are the one who was another half of me...
You are the one that complete me in the past...
Things happen for some reason...
& i found the reason for that...
This is hw was how it was written for me....
As to how i was make to realise that you are want i really needed all this while in my life....
All because of my own anger towards you, it blinded me from noticing about it...
I've tried my best to move on and be with other people but just doesnt work...
Im nt good at this but wat i noe is that i really need you back daydee...
And i never stop loving you since the day we went our separate ways...
All im left with is to have faith and wait...
I'll alwaes pray for us...
Love you daydee...
Get well soon...

GuiLt...

SlamAt aiDil adhA to evEryoNe...

LifE haVent bEen gOod...
LOts oF tHinGs goEs hAywiRed...
WoRk, faMilY, drIvinG, heAlth, moNey..
EvEythIng jSt hapPen onE shot tiLL i duN noE wAt or hoW to solVe thEm all...

ToT daT hAvin tO woRk awaay fRm too muCh goSsips arE muCh moRe eaSier but nOt at aLl...
TheY are prEety mucH equal heAdacHe crEated...
Wen wILLi reAlly fiNd a suiTable joB thAt i rEally loVe.....
GoNna stop wErkinG hEre n wAiting fOr soMethinG neW foR mE...
TiRed oF all thIs shiT peOple's is gIving mE...
EnuF is enuF la moNstEr...
I giVe up.!!!

Day aftEr dAy, feLt sooo driFted apart..
Too muCh proBleM thAt i'm tHinking but noBody giF a shit oUt of iT...
All thEy noE is foR me to heLp den n Not vice verse...
I noe uRe marrIed but stiLL, u haF ur siblinGs n parents to tAke carE ok....
Im jSt tiRed oF thinG of eveRythinG all by mYself...
FoR godsAke...

GonNa stop drIving foR nw...
Not dE rite tIme tO conT...
Haix...

WeN will i b ReallY b heAlthy liKe beFore...
BeEn faLlIng siCk quite oFten...
N hoSpitAl aPpoinTment agAin...
HaIx...
GueSs im goNna skip dAt agaIn...

SoMetImE i jst wiSh dAt i cud enD it thE nicest wAe foR you... But yoU simplY duN waN to acCpt thE faCt...
ThEre's nO wAy thiNgs arE goiNg bCk tO hOw it uSed tO b... CoZ deeP insiDe, i giF uP oN loVe...
So plEase movE on n dUn lEt thIs guilT dat i hAf noW hunT mE doWn evEry singlE momEnt in my LifE...
I jSt wAn you To b HaPpy...
PlEaSe...
We cAn stiLL b frIendS...

I wiSh i wisH to bE haPpy agAIn...

SoRry..

SoRry i maKe u feeL saD...
JusT duN feeL gooD nwadAes...
TOo muCh to absOrb in...
Too leSs peOple to taLk to opEnly...
No reaally leSs but moRe to noBody..
I jSt feEl dAt i cuD tAlk to u LikE hw i uSe tO buT thAt wunt haPpen...
So yAh...

Btw tAnx foR thE coNcerN...

TAkE caRe alWaes...

EndurE..

WannA b wELL bacK... :(((

CnT bare to b sIck likE thIs...



UneXpeCted...

DidNt expEct aniThin frM diS feW poSt.. DiDnt evEn haF anI inteNtion to lEt peOplE noE wAts goIng oN iN my liFe... JuSt neEded suMonE oR somEwhEre daT i cuD shAre, talK n wriTe doWn... AtleasT dat cUd maKe mE fEel beTter a liTtle...

I duNt noE hw tO moVe oN frM hEre... WEn i niD thE peRson thE moSt buT i cuDnt fiNd hiM... Jst thE mattEr oF facT daT things cNt b dE samE aS it uSed tO b... NeeD to lEarn tO moVe awAy frM missIng pEoplE... People dAt i shUdnt b miSsIng... LikE wAt my x sAes, " to gAin smTh, i niD tO looSe smTh 1st..." mayB hE's riTe... BuT diS isnT thE riTe time... Im baRely brEathIng... DuN noE wAt is gOin tO happEn nxT...

CouNting doWn to sePt 4... ThE daE whEre i noE i'll feel pain... BuT noboDy noEs waTs goNna haPpen...expEcting thE woRst caSe seneRio... ThAt's thE beSt i cud tHing abOut...

Ure aLwaes my sWeeTest drUg....

2nd aUg 12..

HapPy 24tH bDae tO bEstiE...
&
HaPpy 25th bDae tO abG...

MaY all thEir wiShes cUm trUe n stAy haPpy alWaes arOund thEir loVe oNeS... Plus i love theM tOo...
ThEy arE paRt oF mE tOo.. MuAck!!!
IF onLi shE cuD rEad thIs...

Im soRry dAt iM diDnt fulfILL a goOd taSk iN bEiNg a fWn to u beStiE..
:((

ToDay my 2nD daE oF MC... StILL no diFfEreNt yEt.., couGh like waNna diE.. BloCk nOse.. FeVer... GoSh... ThIs iS like thE worSe coMbo evEr.., canT slP weLL sinCe thE daE i fAll siCk.., beIng so cRankY nw a dAeS.. BuT thAnks tO pEoplE arD me thAt enDurE my crAnky-neSs... SoRry foR daT... :)))
BeIng reFerEd tO thE hoSpitAl..
SoUnd sO serIous... HopEfuLly noThiN iS seRious.. HaiX... I jSt waNna b liKe noRmaL & b heAlthy.. No moRe mediciNes... SicK & tiRed arEadi..,
4th sePt wiLL b dE daE wEn eVer qs oF mine bE anSwer by the teSt reSult...

& i miSs mY swEeteSt drUg... :((

MeMoriEs...

I duN noE y it haPpeN n y muSt iT b hiM thAt i drEamt oF... AftEr almost 5 yrs i stilL caNt gEt ovEr hiM... WatS is wrOng wiF mE??? Am i noT reAdy to opEn uP my hEart fuLly tO othEr peRsoN tHat im wiF now???

He onCe tOlD mE... If i Wan tO gaiN somethIng, i niD tO sacRifiSe somThing iN reTurN... BuT i jSt caNt... ThE moRe i tRieD, thE moRe paSt memoRies coMes baCk...

HoW i wIsh things wuD b easIer foR mE...

HoW i wiSh my bRain is like a coMpuTer thAt i cuD simplY
CTRL + ALT + DEL...

ThAt wiLl bE bEttEr...

BuT tOo baD...

TOoo muCh oF beIng huRt tiLL i cant
EvEn c wAt iS reAlly trUe loVe...
MaYb thErE iS no suCh things...
NO hAppY enDing...
No fAiry taLe...
JUst a stOry oF a siMpLe giRl dAt iS stILL fiNdiNg hEr wAy tO trUe lOve..

<< CrANkY CraNky >>

whAt's haPpeing tO mE nOwaDaEs??
reAlly areNt MysElf..
quArrelLing is nOthIng nEw at ALL...
sO iS preTendIng...
tiLL wEn wiLL tHis caRry on???
moNths?? yeARrs ??
if oNli thEre's soMe1 i cOud tAlk to...
iF oNly thIngs aRE liKe hW it uSEd to bE...
iF onLy yOU aRE hEre...
hMmmm...
buT tHAt woNt happEn agAin..
nEvER evEr wiLL...
memoRies tHAT arE swEet yEt bEttER at tHe saMe tiMe...
afTeraLL im nOt reGrettIng iT & wiLL nEver dO...
onLy soMetiMes i wiSh yOu weRE hEre...
iN my liFe...

haTE to bE siCk liKe thIS...
caNT bReaTh pRoperLy...
vOIce iS liKE goIng tO loSt soOn...

:((

doUble tRoubLe... (PART 1)

beEn a loNg tIme siNce yOu aRE soMehoW gOne...
quIte depRessIng thOugh iT doEsnt sEems LiKe...
cHanGes aRE tAking pLace tOo faSt ..
tIll i cAnt evEn foLLow tHe fLow oF iT...
plUs i dUn nOe hOw tO dEal wiTh tHat kiNd oF siTuatIon...
esPecIAlly Wen yOU're gOne...
juSt fOr yOu tO kNow, i kEpt soMethIng fRom yOu..
cANt resISt oF not teLLing yOU buT i wILL teLL yOU hEre...
afTer nOt hEaring frOm yOu foR sOOOo loNg, iT's dRivIng mE cRazy...
oR shUd i Say, i cAnt tuRn to yOu wEn i haVe tHings to shAre..
reAlly am dePressIng buT i pRetEnded tHAt nOthin haPPen..
boTTliNG uP tHe feEling of stRess-nEss, anGry-nEss, LOsT..
knOwing thaT thIngs are noT gOing tO b beTTer fOr thE tImes tO cOme...
I juST wiSh dAt yOu are stiLL dEre tO guiDe mE thRu diS shIts...
buT i nOe thAT's IMPOSSIBLE...

evErytIme i decIded to pUt mySelf inTo trOuble, thE iMage of yOu will aPpear..
somEhow is gOod coZ i gOt to sEe yoU...
buT it mAke me fEEl guiLty afTer tHat...
kNowiNG thAt dEre'S No Way i CUd liE oR kiP thIngs frOm yOu...
hMMmm...
thIngs juSt  gEttIng tO bE mORe hAywiRE...
Hate iT tO thE mAx...

TO BE CONTINUED....

sudden lost...

-you just left w/o saying anything-

- i wonder why but it hurts though nothing is being mention-

- hoping you would come back coz i need you this time-

- to be someone whom i could talk to b4 wrong things is done-

- lost -

stuPid miStaKe...

A daY thAt i cuD caLled myseLf stuPid... or mayB jUst aliTtle biT & mayb mOre la hOr blUr to thE max... How cuD i eveN miSs 1 patHetiC oRder fyOr thE vesseL??? GoShhhh!!!! ReallY am disAppoIntEd wiF myselF... FoR daT kenA souNd by smALl boSs & teAm lEader.. DerE gOes my oRder tO veSsel... WonDerinG wAt is happEning tO mE dIs fEw dAes... Too sTress till iTs liKe liteRally affEcting mE.... PleAse loR... I waNna haF a strEss fRee liFe stYle... I jst wAnnA b hAppy & enJoy liFe tO thE fuLlest.. & noT beIng saD & huRt dEep inSide... & beIng somEonE daT im not suppOsed to bE... JusT liKe prEteNding... HoPing dat dIs stupId oR blUr siDe of me woNt haPpen agaIn... AngMo boSs sAe,"Faeza, I nOe you can dO it!! I'm confident in you getting more orders in the long run.."... SomehOw it makEs mE thInk dat i shUd do smTh tO impRove mySelf.. ImpOrtanTly is tO foCuS moRe & tiNk lEss... HopEfully i cUd do iT... At this tiMing im stIll waitIng fOr yoUr msgEs & call aS pRomIsed.. But i guEss it woNt hapPen... I noE you're weRking... So iT's liKe nEvEr minD... FullY undErstooDed... BeeN a lOng tiMe siNce i sAw you... thouGh deRe's liNe btWen uS, i stIll wAnna miT you & hug you & sae... I MiSs yOu!!!

LiNe dRawn...

ThAt lIne tHat i cuD nEvEr cRoss oVer... BefOre i stRt wiTh anYthIng. I wAnna sAy smTh thAt you miGht noT nOe... I reAlly cRied ytD wHen i tAlk tO yOu... NoT bCoz oF tHe scOldIng buT inStead tHe wAy yOu reAlly shOw mE... THe wAy yOu reActEd toWards thIngs tHat haPpenEd & goIng tO hapEen tO mE.. ThE coNcern paRt tHat reAlly maKe mE fEel sO vEry touChed bY it... ThE feEliN tHt maKe mE fEels tHat iM bEing taKen cARe oF... ThE fEeliN tHat maKe mE fEels tHaT i mEan sO muCh iN yOur liFe thOugH wE caNt b anItiN... Im sO stUboRn & i nOe daT.. Im soRry i maDe yOu anGry yeSteRday... Im juSt uSed tO tHe faCt tHt pEoplE onLy sAE thEy aRe conCern & all buT thEre's no acTions foLlowiN dAt... AcTions sPeaKs loUDer dEn woRds... I juSt haTe dAt kiNd oF pEoplE & i dUn wAn tO puT oN hOpe on thOse pEopLe... DaTs y i nEveR hOpe thAt you wUd gO tO thE extEnt tO reAlly shOw yOur coNcerN tO mE... AfTerall iM nO1 tO yOu... JuSt a PaSser-by... NoThin moRe thAn tHat... BuT i nEver reGret bEing iN tHat kiNd oF poSitIon... A pAssEr-by tHat gOt tO fEel tHe reAl meAnIng oF LOVE & beIng loVe bY soMeonE spEciAl... SoMethIng thAt i dUnt knOw i'll gEt tO fEel tHat agAin in tHe futUre.. I dUn nOe & i duN wAnna lOok foRwArd tO thE futUre... Im juSt scAred tO lOose wAt i Have nOw.. LoOse somEonE thAT reAlly spEciaL to mE tOooo fAst... Im serIouSly arEnt pRepaRe fOr iT... ThOughh i loOk as iF i Am buT dEep dOwn iM nt... I dUn noE iF i cUd dO dAt w/o maKing mySelf huRt... WAt i cUd enSure yOu is dAt i'll moVe oN frOm yOu fOr suRe.. JuSt tHe maTtEr oF tIme... I'll liE tO mySelf fOr thE tIme beIng daT yOu're buSy.. ThUs, yOu canT b dEre aS lAst tIme.. ThOugh i noE it's noT suPpose tO bE tHat wAy... CoZ dEre's no oTher beTter wAy fOr nOw... MayB or sOon i'll fInd soMethiN thAt cUd maKe mE bUsy sO i woNt alWays tHinK abOut yOu.. I juSt hOpe tHat yOu woNt cHange thIngs tOo dRastIcaLly.. COz tiLl nOw i'm liKe suFfeRing inSide... PlEase duN.. I nOe yOu wAnna pRepAre mE fOr thAt tIme tO cOmEs.. BuT noT tOo muCh aT 1 tIme... If yoU reAlly gOT hEart fOr mE... OR shUD i sAy stIll cARe fOr mE... HopE tO sEe yOu sOon... I miSs yOu... :(((

UpdAtiN abOut yOu & mE...

Hi dEre... BeeN a loNg tiMe siNce i lAst sAw you... I dO reaLly miSsinG yoU eVery nOw & dEn... I wiSh yOu reAlly noE dAt.. HaiX... So soRry tHat i fEll aSlp ytD... KiNda slPy plUs i tOt yOu woNt wAnt tO mSg mE... Mayb dUe tO bz-neSs oR maYb yOurE jUst dRawiN yOur liNe btWn uS... BuT i Dun miNd cOz i noE yOurE dOIng all Dis fOr oUr gOod... HaVe tO accPt iT deN... HmMmm... StIll tHinking abOut wAt yOu toLd mE ytD... ZulaiSaha simiLar liKe mE... TalkIng tO heR reMinds yOu oF mE... WoNdEr iF daT reAlly bcOz yOu miSses mE oR oNli bCoz oF oUr simiLaritiEs... OHhh wEll... IT dOesnt rEallY mattErs... I noE yOu woNt miSs mE liKe alWaes... OR shuD i Sae daT yOu woNt saE daT you reAlly miSseS mE... QueStIons fOr yOu... 1) y are you nOt rePlyiN tO my qS ytD??? Qs daT i MsgeD yoU afTer yOu faLl asLp... 2) y are yOu alWaes taKing abOut lEaviN mE & so On??? IsnT it enUf for yOu tO jSt drAw yOur oWn liNe fOr yOurself??? Wat's mOre daT yOu waN?? 3) lastly, if yOu reAlly tiNk daT yOu waNna lEt mE gO deN tEll mE earLiEr... I'll dO daT fOr yOu... I'll maKe yOur liFe easIeR frOm dEn oN... I duN wiSh tO trOubLe yOu anImoRe... SomEtIme i jUst dun understand y u must suddEnly taLk abOut all tHis tHings... SomEtIme i jUst fEel dAt yOu reGret knOwing mE... SoMetiMe i jUst fEel myseLf buRdeNing yOu... SomEtiMe i feEl liKe taKing tHe lEad tO lEave yOu toTally & nEver cOme baCk... ThouGh iT's sO haRd fOr mE bUt i will cOz i hAve tO & noT bcOz i Wan tO... EvErytImE yoU taLk oR mSg mE reGardinG lEt mE gO & suMthinG liKe daT, it jSt maKe mE tEars oUt... I noE daT yOu nVr mEant tO lEt mE gO buT you jSt haVe tOo... I noE all daT... OnLy 1 thIng i Dun noE y.... Y muSt yOu rUsh eVerytHing tO eNd... I've bEen WonDerinG abOut daT... Hw i wish i cUd fInd tHe aNsWer mySelf... HaIxxx.... BtW i WannA sAy tHanK yOu tO yOu foR bEing sOoo coNcerN abOut my r/s liFe.. ThanK you fOr bEing dEre weN i niD suM1 bSide me... & thAnk yOu fOr beIng mY mat cIna... My fairYtaLe maT cIna.... Thank You... ByE... :((

090612

A dAe daT symBoliSe somThinG abOut uS... ThE daE wEn wE mEt, b frIend & tIll nOw... ThouGh theRe's ups & dOwnS... ReaLly toT daT i wEnt thRu iT tO muCh foR nw... SomEthImes i juSt feeL liKe giVing uP... It huRTs deePlY inSidE wEn u nOe dAt de 1 u rEaLly exPect tO b dE onE dsNt tuRns tO b... PeopLe makE misTakes buT impoRtanTly u niD to lEaRn frOm it & nt rePeat iT... Dat's thE maIn poInt... BuT sumtIme hE juSt dUn gEt it... 1 poinT of tIme weN hE sAe soRry & thE nxT tiMe u juSt rePeat tHe saMe oLd miStakE... Im jSt siCk & tirEd of tHat... ReAlly maKe mE tinK daT hE's arEnt seRiouS abOut eVerythIng... Hw dO hE exPect mE to tiNk abOut seTtlinG dOwn weN noThin iS pRovEn... TrUe enUf he haVe tHe plUs poInts... BuT if hE caNt mAkE mE haPpy deN wAts dE poInt??? ReAllY hOpe daT hE woNt reAlly cHangE dIs tIme... ThE 1st tIme i nVr wiSh hIm oN oUr aniVErsaRy... BuT i nVr fOrgEt abOut iT.. JuSt pLainly maD aT hiM... TOo eGo tO giF iN... HaIx....

BaCk daTe...

As pEr reQueSt... Im lIke uPdaTiNg tHis cOz latEr gT dIs maT cIna wIll naG & naG dE... HahahahHhHhaha... SoRry hOr mat cIna... Miss yOu BeEn a heCtiC dAy foR tHe pasT feW daE... HoW i Wish i cUd strAnglE daT smAll bOsS... ShE jSt sO crAzy fOr poWer... EvErythIng waN to taKe chArgE de... SmAck hEr dEn sHe nOe... NeVer dIe beFoRe... HmmPhhh?!!!! BesIdes dAt i'm glAd dAt dEre's oRdErs cOminG iN tOoo.... BUt it's jUst dAt im abIt sLow lOr... TaKe tIme tO seTtlE thIngs pLus im hAving addItionAl tHings plUs daTeliNes... DaT's y i hAtE oFfiCe jOb... MaKing mE meNtaLly dRaiNed oUt... AnoTher is thaT, im nOt thOse kInd oF pEoplE who dO tHings halFwaY2 dE... I'll b cOnfUsed mySelf... & daT sMall bOss kEpt asKing mE do dIs dO daT... U tHink i RoboT mEh??? I sTill lEarNing sTagE dE.. STuPid oLd laDy!!! BEeN gOing bAck lAte aT niTe jSt tO fIniSh uP tHe wOrk... PlUs iM dOing eXtra wErk alL bCoz of mY unReasoNabLe tEam lEadEr... I nOe la u Sick bUt dUn tAke adVanTagE oF tHat tO mC eVery tiMe... BOdoH!!!' Ok eNuF oF wOrK & nOw tImE tO sAe abOut my liFe.... THings gOing muCh bEttEr dEn bEfoRe fOr mE... URe stIll dEre wEn i fEel liKe taLKing tO u.. BuT i noE my liMit thOugh i dUn fEel liKe fOlloWing it... URe sTill hErs & i cNt haf u.. NT eVen abit... But atLeast i hAf meMorIes about yoU daT cUd kiP me gOing... PlUs i haF my mA cIna stIll.. Though hE haF tO cHange aliTtle bIt.. BuT imPortAnt tHing iS tHat dEep dOwn hIs hEart, hE stIll loVe mE... HopEfUllY im rIght abOut iT.. AnIwaE, im sOooOo nOt gOing tO foRgEt abOut tHis... MaT ciNa gOt maLay gF... WEeee!!!! YoU dEclaRe dAt n i dUn n cAnT bEliEve daT mySelf... I tOt yOu'rE jSt trEaTing mE lIke fWn.. JUst lIke you alWaes sAe... HmmMmmmmm... WaTs moRe caN i saE... I HAD MY BAN MIAN & IM HAPPY!!!!!!!! To b cOntiNuEeeeee.....

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MorNing pEoplE.. MakIng my wAe tO wErk bu5 aS uSual,oN tIme kiNd oD bAsis.. CanT rEally wAkE uP tHis moRnIng... SupRisInglY he rEallY dId cAll mE iN thE moRnIng tO wAkE mE uP.. BuT juSt oNcE sO eNdeD uP wEnt bCk tO sLp... HMmm... WAt i rMbeReD iS tHat hE asKed mE tO mSg hIm wEn iM oUt & rEacH wErk... BuT i nVr dId dAt aT all... JuSt dUn fEel liKe... AfTernOon... HAd luNch wiF 2 suPpliErs pLus usuAl pEoPle... BoTh wEre chInesE & bOth at @ mE 1 kiNd cOz i dNt rEally eAt wAt dEy oRderEd.. SoRry sIr... DuN reAlly eAt malAy fOod... Hehe... WEn bAck tO oFfIce & deRe gOes mY hapPy tIme .. TOo mAny thIngs tO hanDle plUs im tOtallY loSt aT tImes.. OrDers... QuOtAtions.. EMails... FaxIng... FoLlow uPs.. DelIvery... WArehOusE... Im nOt a rOboT lOr... BuT manAge tO hanDle iT wiTh tHe heLp oF kaKak & nEighBour... MaNy tHanK yOu tO tHem... :)))) AnIwAee anOtHer oRDer cOminG uP... AlHamDulIllAh... EfFort pUttEd iN wAs weLl pAid oFf... WeN ouT arOuNd 7.45pm... JuSt caNt cOncEntRate anY loNger... DEciDed tO wAste moNey... SerIouslY i'm sO dIsaPpoinTed wiF myseLf.. StRess oSo canT dEal wiTh iT.. MOney harD tO eArN buT hapPilY thRow jSt liKe dAt..? CnT bRliEve it... TotAl spEndIng wAs almOst $200.... JuSt oN haiR trEatmEnt pLus my hAiR dRyer... YoU la aSk mE bUy... HahHhhaha... BuT it's nIce tHough... PlUs wiLl beNefIts mE tOo iN tHe loNg rUnnnn.... WAts' neXt.... Was sUppoSed tO mIt ayAm... BuT i nOe u duN allOw mE tO... BUt cUd c tHat hE lIke dIe2 waNna mIt... HHahah.. NVm lAr hOr.. HE shuDnt plAn tO miT mE on wEekDaes... PLus it's lIke afTer 12midniTe... Im weRkiNg lOr... ThOugh i nOe cNfrm gT reAson as tO y hE acTing lIKe daT... WaNna asK bUt dUn noE hW... Mayb hE gT hiS oWn pRobLem & mayB daTs tHe reAson... HMmMmm.... HoPefuLly hE cUd unDerstAnd.. LEts c iF hE caLl laTer... lalakLLLlalalal.... By nOw i suPpoSed tHaT i'vE rEach hEr pLace... HMmm... ShAll nOt eVen tInk abOut anIthIng... WiLl mAke mysElf bz fOr nW tIll tMr & tHe dAy afTer... BtW happY bDae tO hEr... ShE's dE moSt fOrtuNate giRl tO hAf u iN hEr lIfe... WEi maT cIna!!!! ThAnk yOu fOr wAt u haF dOne fOr mE, fOr wAt u'Ve taUght mE, fOr wAt u'vE sHoweR mE wIf... I'll nVr fOrgEt tHat... SloWlY i'll abLe tO accPt tHe faCt... BUt fOr nW i'll dOing muCh mOre pReteNdiNg dEn bEing sinCerely haPpy... OHh weLl... LIfe hAvE tO moVe oN thOugh pRetEndIng iS sTill a muSt... LalLllalalal... IM juSt waIting fOr mY faiRytaLe tO eNd sOoN... ... LeaVing yOu aNoTher waY tO lOve yOu....

FiSh & cO dAte wiF 2nD siS, bIL & liL' nEphEw....

SumMarIsiNg evErytHing, tOdaY wAs a FinE daY... BeeN lauGhinG & smiLing thRu oUt tHe daY... MoRniNg wAs abIt uPseT abOut tHe thIngs haPpenS tHe dAy bEfOre.. BuT manaGe tO jUst pUt iT bhInd & pReteNd eVerythIng wAs fIne... ReAch wErk aS uSuaL & rouTinE sTarts... NeVer tOt tHat smTh miGht hAppEN tO makE my daY bEttEr.. 1 mSg wEnt iN & it stAted "gd mOrniNg"... SimPle mSg daT reAlly makE mE fEel happY thRu oUt mY daY... ThAnk yOu fOr stIll bEing thEre fOr mE... I juS wiSh yOu wuD nVr gO aWay tOo faR fRm mE... ThOugh i nOe i wuNt gEt aniThing fRm yOu bUt uR pResenTs iS enUf tHat i cUd aSk fROm yOu... WoRk wAs as pEr noRmaL tOday... YoUr msGes kEpT mE accOmpanIed... WAs tOtallY enjOyinG mYselF.. SmiLing & lauGhing in my hEart... At tHe sAme tIme dOing mY werk tIll i dUn reAliSe iT wAs luNch tIme... YoUr caLl, yOur vOice, yOur woRds tElls mE smTh Dat i nVr expEct u tO fEeL by nOw... YoU sTill miSs mE tHoughT at first u nVr tOld mE tHat... I juSt wiSh daT yoUre dEre bSide mE... I tOtaLly forgEt abOuT mY pRobs suDdenLy.. FelT so pEacefUl fOr tHat mOment... HW i wish tHat wud hapPen evEry siNgle dAy... 1 hR bEfOre 6pm, sMall bOss annOunCed a gOOd nEws tO mE... 2 cOnfiRm orDers cAme iN... AlMost 1 wk oF werKing & 4 conFirm orDers i gT... DAt's rEally a nOt baD stArt fOr Me.. ThOugh it wAs quiTe touGh at fiRsT bUt i nVr gaVE uP.. JuSt liKe wAt yOu tOld mE tO... EnCourAging mE... CoNsoLe mE wEn iM dOwn... YOu rEallY heLp mE oUt oN tHat .. ThNK yOu tO yOu... YOu puT in aN eFfoRt juSt tO maKe mE happY... YoU nVr gaVE uP tO makE mE smiLe... HOw i wiSh dEre's sOme1 ouT dEre daT cUd dO liKe wAt yoU are dOing... HOw i wIsh dat hIs cUd dO tHings tHat yOu're dOing nOw fOr mE... HOw i wish mY wiShes arE cOming tRue.. BRoTher iN lAw wAs asKing mE wAt iM pLanIng foR mY fuTUre... MY anS wAs siMpLe... GEt my dEgRee, cOnt wIf mAstEr & wOrk... MaYb cUd cOnt iF i cUd affOrt tO... WHy noT rItE... BuT hE sAes," so aRe yOU gOinG tO b jSt attAcH wIf hiM w/o anI cOmmiTmEnts???" I jSt kEpt siLencE... I tOld hIm daT i wAsNt reAdy fOr all tHis... I dUn noE iF hE's tHe oNe fOr mE... He hasNt b pRovIng tO mE dat hE iS tHe oNe i sHud b wiF... Im sTill havIng dOubts abOut hIm... ThOugh wE're alReadY 2 yeArs plUs toGethEr... BrO iN laW jSt tOo sPeecHlEss tO saY aniThinG... wat hE onLi saY daT i cnt chAnGe a pErsoN buT oNly tHe pErson caN cHange bY tHemself... TotaLly agRee wiF hIm buT daT jS dIdnT hElp in solVing tHe pRoblEm at aLl... StIll hangIng... DiNner wAs gReat... ThOugh i noE i wAs abiT upSet whEn siSter & bRothEr in lAw wAs alWaes askIng abT hIm... TrIed tO noT shOw tHe sAd paRt oF mE.. PRetEndiNg... LIl' nEphEw wAs tHe oNly pErsoN wHo mAke mE lAuGh & foRgEt abOut eVerythIng.. HE's mY eVerytHing.. & i lOve liL' nEpHew sO mUch!!! & i dO miSs yOu at tHe saMe tIme... WENt fOr a wAlk afTer diNner cOz tOo fUll.. WEnt kiDdy palAce... LiL' nephEw fAv pLace tO shOp... JSt loVe tHe sMilE & laUghtEr... MY sWeeTesT dRug... SIstEr mEnTioN iF i WannA mIt hIm afTer dInnEr buT i sAid i WannA gO hOme... SHe saId dAt i sHud maKe tHings rIght bTwEen hiM & mE... WAt iF tHingS bOth oF uS dSNt wOrk oUt... My gRanDMa wIll b sAd.. BUt y mUst ppL b sAd wEn i mySelf am sAd bCoz oF hIm??? JUst bCoz oF ppl dAt i lOve liKe hIm, dA mEans i niD tO gIf in & eNduRe eVerYthIng... DaT's sOoo unFaiR... No dOubTt eVeryOnE wIll loVe hIm cOz hE gOT tHe plUs poInt deRe.. HE noES hW tO ReSpeCt elDerlY, hE gT a gD chaRacTer, looKs... BUt wAt abOuT tHe wAy hE trEatEd mE??? NoboDy noEs... HaiX... I jUst wiSh i cUd rAn awAy fRm all tHis loNgEr... HOw i wiSh i cUd lEave all The pRobLems behInd... HOw i wiSh gOd cud fulFill all mY wiShes... I jUst wAnna b haPpy & smiLe & noT faKing & pUting on a SmiliNg maSk... It's sO nOt hEaltHy... VEry... VerY... NoT hEalThy... IF oNly hE wuD cHange, tHings will b bEtter.. If oNli i cUd tUrn bCk tIme, i wuD cHoose tO b siNgle... If oNli i cUD dO all dAt, i'll b a hAppy bubbly smAll gIrl... IF oNly....

NeW fakIng daY..

MoRniNg tO aLl tHe eArthLings... MoNdAy moRnIng aS uSuAl... LAzy daY tO wOrk... FOr mE iT's lIke eVerydAy lAzy... NO moTivAtiOn aT all... AfTerall, tHe pErsoN wHo alWaeS bEen dEre fOr Me iSnt hEre anImoRe... SO iT's liKe nEw sTart afTErall... AlReadY 7.40am buT im stIll aT hOme nOt gEttIng dRess uP tO wErk... USuaLly dIs tiMing yOu'll nAg n nAg n nAg at mE tO nt b lAte fOr wOrk... ThiNgs haF tO cHange fRom noW oN... LiNe hAf bEen dRawn btWen uS... BE it i Want oR nOt haF tO accPt iT... LiKe WAt yoU sAid ytD, "be cRuel is somEtiMes huManitarIan... TO lEave yOu iS anoTher way fOr mE tO loVe tOu... YOu cuD haTe mE bUt i wOnt haTe yOu bcOz u haTe mE... YOur stiLl tHe speCial oNe dEep inSide mE..." SomEthIng tHat i will alWaes rMbR... SoMethIng thaT sOmeHow huRTs mE baDly... SomEthIng thAt i hAf to aCcpt iT... BuT noW iS nt tHe tIme foR mE to accPT thAt... CoZ im not rEady.. COz mY 2 yrS wiF u is stIll noT uP yEt... JuSt liKe waT u prOmiSe mE... BuT noW tHat prOmiSe noThinG... NoThinG bUt jSt a liE... I duNt noE iF i caN puT uP a mAsk oF a hAppy faCe fRm noW oN... TO facE tHe reAlity oF liFe onCe AgaIn... TO pUll mySelf baCk iN pieCe.. TO sTand fIrm tO thE grOunD & noT fAll baCk dOwn... WiLl liKe bE abLe tO dO daT w/o yOu arOuNd mE aGain???? Y mUst u dRw dIs liNe wHen tHe pArt i niD u tHe moSt??? WEn thE pArt i gOt no1 tO tUrn tO??? THis iS jUst dOubLe fAll fOr mE... HW sHud i b abLe tO faCe all tHis bY myseLf???? :(((((( I woNder...