NeW fakIng daY..

MoRniNg tO aLl tHe eArthLings... MoNdAy moRnIng aS uSuAl... LAzy daY tO wOrk... FOr mE iT's lIke eVerydAy lAzy... NO moTivAtiOn aT all... AfTerall, tHe pErsoN wHo alWaeS bEen dEre fOr Me iSnt hEre anImoRe... SO iT's liKe nEw sTart afTErall... AlReadY 7.40am buT im stIll aT hOme nOt gEttIng dRess uP tO wErk... USuaLly dIs tiMing yOu'll nAg n nAg n nAg at mE tO nt b lAte fOr wOrk... ThiNgs haF tO cHange fRom noW oN... LiNe hAf bEen dRawn btWen uS... BE it i Want oR nOt haF tO accPt iT... LiKe WAt yoU sAid ytD, "be cRuel is somEtiMes huManitarIan... TO lEave yOu iS anoTher way fOr mE tO loVe tOu... YOu cuD haTe mE bUt i wOnt haTe yOu bcOz u haTe mE... YOur stiLl tHe speCial oNe dEep inSide mE..." SomEthIng tHat i will alWaes rMbR... SoMethIng thaT sOmeHow huRTs mE baDly... SomEthIng thAt i hAf to aCcpt iT... BuT noW iS nt tHe tIme foR mE to accPT thAt... CoZ im not rEady.. COz mY 2 yrS wiF u is stIll noT uP yEt... JuSt liKe waT u prOmiSe mE... BuT noW tHat prOmiSe noThinG... NoThinG bUt jSt a liE... I duNt noE iF i caN puT uP a mAsk oF a hAppy faCe fRm noW oN... TO facE tHe reAlity oF liFe onCe AgaIn... TO pUll mySelf baCk iN pieCe.. TO sTand fIrm tO thE grOunD & noT fAll baCk dOwn... WiLl liKe bE abLe tO dO daT w/o yOu arOuNd mE aGain???? Y mUst u dRw dIs liNe wHen tHe pArt i niD u tHe moSt??? WEn thE pArt i gOt no1 tO tUrn tO??? THis iS jUst dOubLe fAll fOr mE... HW sHud i b abLe tO faCe all tHis bY myseLf???? :(((((( I woNder...

FuLl mOon...

FuLl moOn wiTnEss uS tHe dAe wE sTarT tO fEel moRetHen a fRiEnd... DaT's tHe beGinnIng oF oUr faiRytAlE... YOu wEre tHere eVery sInglE tIme wEn i neeDed yOu... B iT wEn iM dOWn oR hAppY... URe alWaes 1 mSg aWay fRm mE... NEvEr u fAiLs tO maKe mE sTart mY dAy wIth a Smile & eNd iT wiTh a sMiLe tOo.. UrE jSt sImply diFfereNt fRm oTherS... U noE hW tO dOte mE,carE fOr mE, pamPer mE, taLk tO mE... NOt all arE liKe u... I miSs yOu badlY... ToDay, tHe fUll moOn b mY wItnEss onCe agAin.. WiTnEssIng tHe tEars tHe wET mY cHeeKs.. WAntiNg tO sHout my lUng oUt tHat i HaTe liFe bEing liKe dIs... I'vE accPTeD eVery obStiCles tHat caMe tO mE alL thIs whIle... NEvEr dId i rEgrEt dOing it... I noE daT's alWaes reAsoNs bHinD eVerytHing... BuT i'm jUst dRain ouT... OooHhh plEase cOme hERe... I Really nId yoU... I reAllY miSs yOu... :(( ShuD i jSt giF uP oN loVe??? It huRts alOt... At 1st i reAlly tOt hE's tHe oNe buT y mUst tHings cHangE??? I dId mY vEry bEst tO b niCe & gD gF... I liSteN tO wAt hE sAes & wAnts.. BuT y mUst hE sTill dO tHis tO mE??? Y muSt hE maKe mE cRy & huRt mE...??? WaT dId i dO wRoNg??? PLeaSe tEll mE??? I've tOnE dOwN... I'vE loWer dOwn mY eGo... I'vE loWer dOwn mY stUboRn-nEss... WAts mOre hE Wan fRm fRM mE sO i Can gEt a SimPle loVe, caRe & attEntIon fROm hIm???? HeArtbRokEn....

I wiSh u wEre hErE...

BeIng AlOne iS tHe hOuSe dOIng sOmeThiNg tHat cUd kIp mE AwAY fRm tHinkIng abT yOu... DaT's smTh dAt iS jUst fOr sOmetIme... AfTeR im dOnE wIth iT, iT cAmE baCk tO mE... As iN y mUst i fAcE alL tHiS oN mY oWn... ThOugh i tOt iM attAcHEd buT it'S jSt bY thE naTurE oF stAtUs... HOw i wIsh i cUd haF sUm1 daT cUd tAke cAree oF mE jUst tHe wAy u alWAes Do... I noE iTs imPossiBle... BUt iT's jSt soMetHinG tHat i wiSh fOr... A wiSh daT cUd neVer gOnna hAppEn... By tHis tImE it's eIthEr uR stIll slpG oR oUt wiF hEr... IT dSnt maTtEr at aLl nOw... IM oN mY oWn... DRill Dat iN mY miNd... I juSt hOpE u eNjOy uRseLf wHereeVer u Are... At oNe i tOt i cUd shARe sOrrOws wiTh suM1 i caLleD bOyfrIend... BuT hE's nEveR bEeN dEre at tiMeS i niD hIm... NeVer dId hE paYs attEntIon tO wAt i niD anD lacK oF.. All hE nOes wAs tO makE mE lIsteN tO hiM... BEen sOmetIme tHat wE bOth wEn oUt as a NoRmaL cOupLe.. DaTing, mOvie, shOppIng... JUst fEels so wIerd... All wE dOes wAs tO gO oVer hIs pLace & sLacK.. EVery sinGle tIme... WOndEr iF oTher gIrls cUd toLeraTe aLl tHis... EvErytiMe somEthiNg wAs pLanneD, it wiLl b foR suRe bE caNclEd.. FOr sOme rEeasOn tHat hE cUD cOme oUt wIf... SoMetIme i woNder... Am i Really waSting by blOody tImE wIf a pErsOn tHat dSnt fUlFIll mY nIdS??? Am i Really fUcKinG stUpiD tO jSt pRetEnd tHat eVeryThiNg iS jSt fIne??? Am i rEally duMb tO jSt lEt hIm kiP rEpEatiNg hIs mIstaKe oVeR n oVer AgAin??? Y aM i bEing sUCh a Weak gIrl suDdeNlY nW??? WaT iS tHe heLl happEniNg tO mE nOw??? ReAllY tO mEe!!!! :(((( U tolD mE tO wAkE uP & cOme tO reaLise tHat yOu caNt giF mE anItHing aT all... U toLd mE tO stArT thInkIng abOut my fUtuRe... U tOld mE tO fInd suM1 whO cUd gIf mE wAt i rEally nId.. DAt cUd lOve mE... DaT cUd caRe abOut Me... DaT wiLl nEveR hUrt mE ... DaT wiLl nOt mAke mE cRy.... WeN cAn i Really fUfIll aLl dIs tHings daT u aSk mE tO dO???? I duN eVen nOe whEre tO stARt... WAt i nOe nOw iS dAt i wAnna Run aWay fRm all dIs shIts dAt nVr stOp fRm cOme tO mE... My woRld arD mE bCoMe mORe daRk aS tImE fLiEs... WEn uRe nO loNGer hEre... U'Re alWaes dEre fOr mE wEn iM dOwn... BUt nOt fOr nOw.. :(((( Im hEre alOne fEelIng sO dOwn n dEre's pEoplE daT i cAll bOyfRienD oUt dEre enJoyiNg hImselF... I tOlD hIm tO eNjoy hImseLf bUt i mEant iT sarcasTiclY.. BuT hE diDnT caRe... OR caN i sAe daT hE dIdNt nOe iT... HW stuPid cAn hE b???? JuSt sO dIssAppoIntiNg... CaN i hAf mY oLd liFe bAck???? MY oLd fRiEnDs dAt i cUd tuRn tOo... My oLd liFe dAt cUd mAkE mE sTreSs-fRee... Y mUst eVErytHinG eNd uP lIkE sHiT???? I wAnnA a HaPpy eNDiNg...

PreTendIng sTate...

you miGht nOt liKe mE to pRetEnd bUt i hAf tO... JuZ tO caRry oN wiF mY siMplE lIfe... MaY soUnds eAsy aS tO jUst trEat u as a fWN bUt doIng iT iS a dIffErent tHing... I'll trY mY vEry bEst tO do dAt bUt oNli tIme wIll tEll eVerytHing.. U toLd mE daT i cUd cOnTact mE anYtiMe anIwHere buT it woNt b poSsibLe.. I woNt raNdoMly msG u n sAe i nid ur hElp oR wAt... DE moSt i'll raNdoMly sAe dat i Miss u sOo muCh.. BuT i caNt dO daT anImoRe... Dat's tHe thIng i nId tO tEll mYseLf to chAngE... NoWadAeS, u haF jSt stArT to dRaw liNe btWn uS.. ThouGht u nVr sAe anItin, i stIll caN senSe it... I'm areNt a sMall gIrl daT noEs nUts aBt all tHis... I goT thE fEeliNg uR dOing All tHis tO pRepaRe mE fOr tHe tIme.. SerIousLy, iT hUrts mE wEn u're dOing thAt.. EvEry moMents uR iMaGe caMe tO my mInd, teArs slOwly caME dOwn... SoMetiMe i jSt fEel daT i shUdnt haF knWn u bAck tHen... I shUdnt haF tReat u lIke suM1 spEcial... I nEver tOt Dat uRe so sPecIal to mE tIll it wIll reAlly maKe a Huge imPacT in my liFe... HoW i wiSh i cUd fEeze tHe tIme wEn iM liKe spEndiNg tIme wiF u.... I wAnna b seLf-fIsh aT tImes bUt .... It's nOt reAlly mE at all.. All i WAnna aSk fOr iS tO spEnd mOre tIme wiF yOu... BuT i nOe dAt's aLl iMpoSsiBle... ONly woRks iN faIryTales... & faiRytaLes arE fUll oF lIes... LIes & alWaeS lIes.... U jsT msg mE daT u'll bE tHe haPpiESt pErsOn iF u gT to nOe thAt im bCk to My oWnselF... MaKe mE woNder hOw loNg Will i tAke tO dO daT ... MonThs???? YEars??? I duN evEn nOe.. WaT i nOe iS daT i wIll taKe a vEry loNg tIme liKe hW iT uSe tO b... We shAll jSt wAit n c wAt wiLl hapPen bY tHen... AlwAes wiSh daT u jSt cOnt saYing tHat u miSs mE & evErytHing liKe hW u uSe tO say tO mE... I miSs u lIke dE gUy daT i 1st tAlk tO... Dat alWaes smIle aT mE evErytIme i loOk at hIm... I nOe u waN mE tO trEat u lIke a Fwn bUt pLeaSe tAKe iT slOwly... COz it's kiLliNg mE insiDe... U miGht nOt knOw iT but plEase spAre mE soMe toTs... Day aFter daYs, tHings sloWly cHanging... URe alwAes bZ wiF ur own stUff... DaT i cNt sAe mUch... LeSsser mSging... LeSser tIme talKing oN tHe pHone... No miTing up aniMorE... No 'i miss you' ... NO 'i love you'... NO ' sYg'... NO moRe kiSseS & huGS... ToTallY noThinG... JSt A caSuaL mSgEs... RemIndeRs... :(((( Wat elSe i cUd dO nOw???? WhO cUd i tUrn to??? IM liKe bCk tO squAre 1... KiPping thIng tO mySelf... SloWly all tHe sorrOws alOne.. CRying iN tHe nIghT... Ohhhh gOd!! PlEase gIf mE tHe stRenghT... OnE dAy wEn u happEn tO rEad dIs bLog, dEn u'll nOe hOw i fEel, hw mUch im suFfering.. ThE reAl story oF tHis gIrl... SomEthIng thAt u Dun ReallY nOe abT me... SomEtHing tHat i nVr teLl oR shARe it wiTh u... Tell you smth that u dun noe... URe the onLi gUy dAt i'Ve evEr mEt dAt haF tHe cLoses expEctatIon daT i wAn foR my dReam gUy... MY faiRytaLe pRinCe... TruThfuLly... But i HoPe u'll b haPpy alWaEs wiF hEr & ur faMily... As loNg as uRe haPpy , i'll b haPpy tOo... SerioUsly i wIll thOught iT dOesNt sOunDs coNvinCinG... :))) JuSt liKe hOw u wAn mE To b... HappY n alWaes sMile.. THe buBbly gIrl daT uSe to b a Part oF mE... FoR nOw , i woNt waN pRomiSe u aNitHing anImoRe... WaT i nOe iS tHat i'll tRy tO kIp my pRoMise.. BuT if i hAppEn to bReak iT, i'll poSt it in my blOg... U reAd dEn u'll nOe... JuLy oNwaRds, i'll tRy tO slOwly trEat u lIke fWn tHough i noE dAT i Have tO liE to mYselF... KiP mySelf bZ wiF aniTiNg dAt i cUd .. JuS tO kiP mySelf frM miSsing u eVery nOw n Den... ThOugh i nOe i'll b lyiNg tAt i'll nVr miSs u... JuSt tHe mATter oF hw iM gOnna pLaY arD wiF mY miNd... HoW i wiSh i cUd stOp aLl tHis pReteNdiNg & lyIng & jSt b mYselF... IF tHat dAE wEre tO happEn, i'll jSt saY it'll a miraCle... GueSss i'll stOp hEre fOr noW... U've jSt stArtEd uR niTe shIft... Doing aBus & u're liKe a sMall kiD sO haPpy... I'll tRy tO stOp mySelf frM meSsaGing u tOo oFfen... TrY tO kiP u away fRom my mInd... But meMoRies wiLl alWaes b dEre wif mE... Quoted from u.. "Memories will alwaes b forever, the starry night will never change, accompany you thRu"....

tHe nEws....

wAt i dreAmt wAs tRue..
hAviNg tO loOSe u b4 2 yEars bEcamE so tRue...
fElt reLief kNowiNg it iS just a dReam...
bUttt.....
mEssaGes tuRn evErythIn doWn...
tEars stRart tO wEt tHe chEeks..
fEeling toTally lOst...
suddEnly...
1 queStion caMe acrOss tHe mInd...
y mUst evErytHing eNd sO faSt??
y muSt HE taKe awAy wAt i hAf  tHough i Cant hAf iT fOrevEr???
ohh gOd plEAse lET mE fEel rEAl haPPiNess jSt lIkE fAirytAle...

 it kEpt mE wonDer y tHe pEoplE dAt i WannA b cAnt b wIf mE...
HE kEPt taKE thEM, tHE cerTAin pEOple i REally lOVE awAY...
onLI fOr a ShoRt pEriOD wAs gIven ...
tAke iT aS a LessOn on hOw tO tReasuRe smTh pREciOUs....
oR to pRove hOw muCh lOve & cAre i hAF tO hiM ....
yOU doESt meAnt tO b mIne pHysicAlly bUt dEEp inSide uRe...

sOmethIng tHat i alWays aSk mYselF...
& thE ansWer wAs anSwerEd...
iN tHis pIece oF soNg....

How do I keep a rainbow?
How do I hug a summer of wind?
The stars in the sky laugh at the people on the ground
I could never understand, I could never be satisfied

f I fall in love with your smile
How do I collect it, how do I keep it?
If your happiness is not for me
Will letting you go actually mean having you?

When the wind blows and the kite flies to the sky
I will pray for you, bless you, and be touched because of you
When you finally disappear in the crowd
I discover smiling while crying hurts the most

That day, you and I, on that hill
We were singing that song from that year
That kind of memory is all I need
Enough for me to taste the loneliness everyday

Contentment lets me withstand heartbreak

fAIrYtaLE LieS tOO MuCH...

I've forgotten how long it has been
since I've never again...
listened to you telling your beloved fairytale
I've thought for a long time
I start to panic
have I done something wrong?

You said to me with full of tears
Inside the fairytale are all lies
I can't possibly be your prince
Maybe you can ever understand
You said I love you ever after
The stars in my sky has lightened up

I'm willing to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

You said to me with full of tears
Inside the fairytale are all lies
I can't possibly be your prince
Maybe you can ever understand
You said I love you ever after
The stars in my sky has lightened up
I'm willing to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

I want to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

I will be
That angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

Let's write our ending together

BUT WILL THIS REALLY HAPPEN AS IN WILL THE ENDING BE WAT WE REALLY PLAN IT TO BE?? I WONDER.....

BoWliNg daE ouTing wiF daDdy & hiS faMily...

BeeN worKing foR the pasT few daE... EvE on puBlic hOls... Arghh!!! BuT wAt to dO cOz woRk is woRk afTer aLl... NiGht shiFt jst enDed & enDed uP aT hiS hoUse for brEakfast after wOrk...

AfterwhIch wAtch thIs telemOvie, "jujur aku dayus"... GrEat shOw & veRy sedIh...

MeSsagE beiNg pass ard iN the movie is : If u love someone, you'll always forgive tHem evEn if tHeir miStake iS sO damn bIg... IgNoring doEsnt mEant thAt u dOnt loVe thEm...

SoMethIng mEaningFul & uSefuLl...

PoWer naP foLlowEd afTer tHat... TIreddd!!! PlAnnEd tO wAke up by 11 pluS but endeD up bY 12 pluS... Hahahaha... NOrMal!!!

GEttIng reAdy tO gO hoMe bY wAs asKed tO haVe lUnch 1st.... SaRdinnn... FaV disH cOoked bY nEnEk... HeHe.... AfTer maKan sTandArd.. SlpY agaIn... So nK baLik bUt mR raIn caMe by... ThUndEr & liGhtniNg... GOshhh... DeLayed aGain... Sssooooo tiMe fOr moNopoLy dEal.... DRaw... 2 eaCh... BlAa.. Blaaa ...blAaa....

GoT mY dOnut tOo todAy... TanX to muMmy... DoNut wiF iCe miLo... Hahah... AfTernOon snAck toGether wiTh hEr sisTa, muMmy, nenEk & atOk.... GReat snAck... FoLlowed by anOther naP...

PranGai buDak gemOk betUl... Hahahahahah...

At niGht iS thE maIn evEnt... BoWliNg!!!! ThE moSt hatEd gaMe buT nt noW... BoWling iS a hObbY hOrrr... ChaLlenged wiTh saYang... Fun bUt tirIng... 3 gam3s in thE row... HeCtic...

NEiGhboUr chiNese gUy smIle at mE!!! Hahaha... SOoo cuTe

lEt tHe stOry begiN hErE....

TO bE coNtiNueeee....

bElatEd 28 mth aNiversAry ceLebrAtioN..

WonDerfUl dAe... ThOuGh i fAileD my bTt, ovEraLL waS a suPerb dAe 4 uS... KinDa diSsappOintEd bUt cN alWaes tRy aGain anOther rOund ritE... Hmmmm... AfTer dAt weN 4 ouR luNch cuM dinnEr at cWp 4 bAn mIan... FAv!!! N syG hAd toM yAm baN miAn 4 oNce coZ dAt giRl peKak dEn salAh kaSi.. Lol!! CiaN DiE... AfTer dAt hAd whIte caRrot caKe... NiCee!! Hehe... SLack dEre awhiLe n wOre ouR neW rinG daT we bouGht de dae b4 ytd... Nicee... He choose iT n i loVe iT aloT... AftEr 28 mths dEn we hAd neW rIng... NExt will b 3 yeArs tIme... InSyaLLah.... AfTer whiCh WalK2 hEre n dEre tiLl wE ended uP at coFfee bEan aT civIc centRe... Had 3C... YuMmy... But sAd cAse stOmacH ache aftEr dat... Lol... HAd soMe tranFeriNg here n Dere... ChaTting n fOto taKing... Been a lOng timE sincE we lAst tooK pictUre toGether... KiNda miSs it... Hmmm... AlReadi 8 plUs so hEaDed tO j.e... SyG seNd me dEre... Hehe... So niCe of hiM... OvEraLL iT waS totAli a perFect dAe 4 uS... No arGuemEnts at All... FEels so HaPpy!!! HW i wIsh iT cuD b lIke diS aLwaE... Hmmmm.... I wiSh...

nO mOre sUnshine

HaRder n hArdEr tO sMiLe dAe aFter dAe.... IsNt mE anImoRe... HaiS..