2nd aUg 12..

HapPy 24tH bDae tO bEstiE...
&
HaPpy 25th bDae tO abG...

MaY all thEir wiShes cUm trUe n stAy haPpy alWaes arOund thEir loVe oNeS... Plus i love theM tOo...
ThEy arE paRt oF mE tOo.. MuAck!!!
IF onLi shE cuD rEad thIs...

Im soRry dAt iM diDnt fulfILL a goOd taSk iN bEiNg a fWn to u beStiE..
:((

ToDay my 2nD daE oF MC... StILL no diFfEreNt yEt.., couGh like waNna diE.. BloCk nOse.. FeVer... GoSh... ThIs iS like thE worSe coMbo evEr.., canT slP weLL sinCe thE daE i fAll siCk.., beIng so cRankY nw a dAeS.. BuT thAnks tO pEoplE arD me thAt enDurE my crAnky-neSs... SoRry foR daT... :)))
BeIng reFerEd tO thE hoSpitAl..
SoUnd sO serIous... HopEfuLly noThiN iS seRious.. HaiX... I jSt waNna b liKe noRmaL & b heAlthy.. No moRe mediciNes... SicK & tiRed arEadi..,
4th sePt wiLL b dE daE wEn eVer qs oF mine bE anSwer by the teSt reSult...

& i miSs mY swEeteSt drUg... :((

MeMoriEs...

I duN noE y it haPpeN n y muSt iT b hiM thAt i drEamt oF... AftEr almost 5 yrs i stilL caNt gEt ovEr hiM... WatS is wrOng wiF mE??? Am i noT reAdy to opEn uP my hEart fuLly tO othEr peRsoN tHat im wiF now???

He onCe tOlD mE... If i Wan tO gaiN somethIng, i niD tO sacRifiSe somThing iN reTurN... BuT i jSt caNt... ThE moRe i tRieD, thE moRe paSt memoRies coMes baCk...

HoW i wIsh things wuD b easIer foR mE...

HoW i wiSh my bRain is like a coMpuTer thAt i cuD simplY
CTRL + ALT + DEL...

ThAt wiLl bE bEttEr...

BuT tOo baD...

TOoo muCh oF beIng huRt tiLL i cant
EvEn c wAt iS reAlly trUe loVe...
MaYb thErE iS no suCh things...
NO hAppY enDing...
No fAiry taLe...
JUst a stOry oF a siMpLe giRl dAt iS stILL fiNdiNg hEr wAy tO trUe lOve..

<< CrANkY CraNky >>

whAt's haPpeing tO mE nOwaDaEs??
reAlly areNt MysElf..
quArrelLing is nOthIng nEw at ALL...
sO iS preTendIng...
tiLL wEn wiLL tHis caRry on???
moNths?? yeARrs ??
if oNli thEre's soMe1 i cOud tAlk to...
iF oNly thIngs aRE liKe hW it uSEd to bE...
iF onLy yOU aRE hEre...
hMmmm...
buT tHAt woNt happEn agAin..
nEvER evEr wiLL...
memoRies tHAT arE swEet yEt bEttER at tHe saMe tiMe...
afTeraLL im nOt reGrettIng iT & wiLL nEver dO...
onLy soMetiMes i wiSh yOu weRE hEre...
iN my liFe...

haTE to bE siCk liKe thIS...
caNT bReaTh pRoperLy...
vOIce iS liKE goIng tO loSt soOn...

:((

doUble tRoubLe... (PART 1)

beEn a loNg tIme siNce yOu aRE soMehoW gOne...
quIte depRessIng thOugh iT doEsnt sEems LiKe...
cHanGes aRE tAking pLace tOo faSt ..
tIll i cAnt evEn foLLow tHe fLow oF iT...
plUs i dUn nOe hOw tO dEal wiTh tHat kiNd oF siTuatIon...
esPecIAlly Wen yOU're gOne...
juSt fOr yOu tO kNow, i kEpt soMethIng fRom yOu..
cANt resISt oF not teLLing yOU buT i wILL teLL yOU hEre...
afTer nOt hEaring frOm yOu foR sOOOo loNg, iT's dRivIng mE cRazy...
oR shUd i Say, i cAnt tuRn to yOu wEn i haVe tHings to shAre..
reAlly am dePressIng buT i pRetEnded tHAt nOthin haPPen..
boTTliNG uP tHe feEling of stRess-nEss, anGry-nEss, LOsT..
knOwing thaT thIngs are noT gOing tO b beTTer fOr thE tImes tO cOme...
I juST wiSh dAt yOu are stiLL dEre tO guiDe mE thRu diS shIts...
buT i nOe thAT's IMPOSSIBLE...

evErytIme i decIded to pUt mySelf inTo trOuble, thE iMage of yOu will aPpear..
somEhow is gOod coZ i gOt to sEe yoU...
buT it mAke me fEEl guiLty afTer tHat...
kNowiNG thAt dEre'S No Way i CUd liE oR kiP thIngs frOm yOu...
hMMmm...
thIngs juSt  gEttIng tO bE mORe hAywiRE...
Hate iT tO thE mAx...

TO BE CONTINUED....

sudden lost...

-you just left w/o saying anything-

- i wonder why but it hurts though nothing is being mention-

- hoping you would come back coz i need you this time-

- to be someone whom i could talk to b4 wrong things is done-

- lost -

stuPid miStaKe...

A daY thAt i cuD caLled myseLf stuPid... or mayB jUst aliTtle biT & mayb mOre la hOr blUr to thE max... How cuD i eveN miSs 1 patHetiC oRder fyOr thE vesseL??? GoShhhh!!!! ReallY am disAppoIntEd wiF myselF... FoR daT kenA souNd by smALl boSs & teAm lEader.. DerE gOes my oRder tO veSsel... WonDerinG wAt is happEning tO mE dIs fEw dAes... Too sTress till iTs liKe liteRally affEcting mE.... PleAse loR... I waNna haF a strEss fRee liFe stYle... I jst wAnnA b hAppy & enJoy liFe tO thE fuLlest.. & noT beIng saD & huRt dEep inSide... & beIng somEonE daT im not suppOsed to bE... JusT liKe prEteNding... HoPing dat dIs stupId oR blUr siDe of me woNt haPpen agaIn... AngMo boSs sAe,"Faeza, I nOe you can dO it!! I'm confident in you getting more orders in the long run.."... SomehOw it makEs mE thInk dat i shUd do smTh tO impRove mySelf.. ImpOrtanTly is tO foCuS moRe & tiNk lEss... HopEfully i cUd do iT... At this tiMing im stIll waitIng fOr yoUr msgEs & call aS pRomIsed.. But i guEss it woNt hapPen... I noE you're weRking... So iT's liKe nEvEr minD... FullY undErstooDed... BeeN a lOng tiMe siNce i sAw you... thouGh deRe's liNe btWen uS, i stIll wAnna miT you & hug you & sae... I MiSs yOu!!!

LiNe dRawn...

ThAt lIne tHat i cuD nEvEr cRoss oVer... BefOre i stRt wiTh anYthIng. I wAnna sAy smTh thAt you miGht noT nOe... I reAlly cRied ytD wHen i tAlk tO yOu... NoT bCoz oF tHe scOldIng buT inStead tHe wAy yOu reAlly shOw mE... THe wAy yOu reActEd toWards thIngs tHat haPpenEd & goIng tO hapEen tO mE.. ThE coNcern paRt tHat reAlly maKe mE fEel sO vEry touChed bY it... ThE feEliN tHt maKe mE fEels tHat iM bEing taKen cARe oF... ThE fEeliN tHat maKe mE fEels tHaT i mEan sO muCh iN yOur liFe thOugH wE caNt b anItiN... Im sO stUboRn & i nOe daT.. Im soRry i maDe yOu anGry yeSteRday... Im juSt uSed tO tHe faCt tHt pEoplE onLy sAE thEy aRe conCern & all buT thEre's no acTions foLlowiN dAt... AcTions sPeaKs loUDer dEn woRds... I juSt haTe dAt kiNd oF pEoplE & i dUn wAn tO puT oN hOpe on thOse pEopLe... DaTs y i nEveR hOpe thAt you wUd gO tO thE extEnt tO reAlly shOw yOur coNcerN tO mE... AfTerall iM nO1 tO yOu... JuSt a PaSser-by... NoThin moRe thAn tHat... BuT i nEver reGret bEing iN tHat kiNd oF poSitIon... A pAssEr-by tHat gOt tO fEel tHe reAl meAnIng oF LOVE & beIng loVe bY soMeonE spEciAl... SoMethIng thAt i dUnt knOw i'll gEt tO fEel tHat agAin in tHe futUre.. I dUn nOe & i duN wAnna lOok foRwArd tO thE futUre... Im juSt scAred tO lOose wAt i Have nOw.. LoOse somEonE thAT reAlly spEciaL to mE tOooo fAst... Im serIouSly arEnt pRepaRe fOr iT... ThOughh i loOk as iF i Am buT dEep dOwn iM nt... I dUn noE iF i cUd dO dAt w/o maKing mySelf huRt... WAt i cUd enSure yOu is dAt i'll moVe oN frOm yOu fOr suRe.. JuSt tHe maTtEr oF tIme... I'll liE tO mySelf fOr thE tIme beIng daT yOu're buSy.. ThUs, yOu canT b dEre aS lAst tIme.. ThOugh i noE it's noT suPpose tO bE tHat wAy... CoZ dEre's no oTher beTter wAy fOr nOw... MayB or sOon i'll fInd soMethiN thAt cUd maKe mE bUsy sO i woNt alWays tHinK abOut yOu.. I juSt hOpe tHat yOu woNt cHange thIngs tOo dRastIcaLly.. COz tiLl nOw i'm liKe suFfeRing inSide... PlEase duN.. I nOe yOu wAnna pRepAre mE fOr thAt tIme tO cOmEs.. BuT noT tOo muCh aT 1 tIme... If yoU reAlly gOT hEart fOr mE... OR shUD i sAy stIll cARe fOr mE... HopE tO sEe yOu sOon... I miSs yOu... :(((

UpdAtiN abOut yOu & mE...

Hi dEre... BeeN a loNg tiMe siNce i lAst sAw you... I dO reaLly miSsinG yoU eVery nOw & dEn... I wiSh yOu reAlly noE dAt.. HaiX... So soRry tHat i fEll aSlp ytD... KiNda slPy plUs i tOt yOu woNt wAnt tO mSg mE... Mayb dUe tO bz-neSs oR maYb yOurE jUst dRawiN yOur liNe btWn uS... BuT i Dun miNd cOz i noE yOurE dOIng all Dis fOr oUr gOod... HaVe tO accPt iT deN... HmMmm... StIll tHinking abOut wAt yOu toLd mE ytD... ZulaiSaha simiLar liKe mE... TalkIng tO heR reMinds yOu oF mE... WoNdEr iF daT reAlly bcOz yOu miSses mE oR oNli bCoz oF oUr simiLaritiEs... OHhh wEll... IT dOesnt rEallY mattErs... I noE yOu woNt miSs mE liKe alWaes... OR shuD i Sae daT yOu woNt saE daT you reAlly miSseS mE... QueStIons fOr yOu... 1) y are you nOt rePlyiN tO my qS ytD??? Qs daT i MsgeD yoU afTer yOu faLl asLp... 2) y are yOu alWaes taKing abOut lEaviN mE & so On??? IsnT it enUf for yOu tO jSt drAw yOur oWn liNe fOr yOurself??? Wat's mOre daT yOu waN?? 3) lastly, if yOu reAlly tiNk daT yOu waNna lEt mE gO deN tEll mE earLiEr... I'll dO daT fOr yOu... I'll maKe yOur liFe easIeR frOm dEn oN... I duN wiSh tO trOubLe yOu anImoRe... SomEtIme i jUst dun understand y u must suddEnly taLk abOut all tHis tHings... SomEtIme i jUst fEel dAt yOu reGret knOwing mE... SoMetiMe i jUst fEel myseLf buRdeNing yOu... SomEtiMe i feEl liKe taKing tHe lEad tO lEave yOu toTally & nEver cOme baCk... ThouGh iT's sO haRd fOr mE bUt i will cOz i hAve tO & noT bcOz i Wan tO... EvErytImE yoU taLk oR mSg mE reGardinG lEt mE gO & suMthinG liKe daT, it jSt maKe mE tEars oUt... I noE daT yOu nVr mEant tO lEt mE gO buT you jSt haVe tOo... I noE all daT... OnLy 1 thIng i Dun noE y.... Y muSt yOu rUsh eVerytHing tO eNd... I've bEen WonDerinG abOut daT... Hw i wish i cUd fInd tHe aNsWer mySelf... HaIxxx.... BtW i WannA sAy tHanK yOu tO yOu foR bEing sOoo coNcerN abOut my r/s liFe.. ThanK you fOr bEing dEre weN i niD suM1 bSide me... & thAnk yOu fOr beIng mY mat cIna... My fairYtaLe maT cIna.... Thank You... ByE... :((

090612

A dAe daT symBoliSe somThinG abOut uS... ThE daE wEn wE mEt, b frIend & tIll nOw... ThouGh theRe's ups & dOwnS... ReaLly toT daT i wEnt thRu iT tO muCh foR nw... SomEthImes i juSt feeL liKe giVing uP... It huRTs deePlY inSidE wEn u nOe dAt de 1 u rEaLly exPect tO b dE onE dsNt tuRns tO b... PeopLe makE misTakes buT impoRtanTly u niD to lEaRn frOm it & nt rePeat iT... Dat's thE maIn poInt... BuT sumtIme hE juSt dUn gEt it... 1 poinT of tIme weN hE sAe soRry & thE nxT tiMe u juSt rePeat tHe saMe oLd miStakE... Im jSt siCk & tirEd of tHat... ReAlly maKe mE tinK daT hE's arEnt seRiouS abOut eVerythIng... Hw dO hE exPect mE to tiNk abOut seTtlinG dOwn weN noThin iS pRovEn... TrUe enUf he haVe tHe plUs poInts... BuT if hE caNt mAkE mE haPpy deN wAts dE poInt??? ReAllY hOpe daT hE woNt reAlly cHangE dIs tIme... ThE 1st tIme i nVr wiSh hIm oN oUr aniVErsaRy... BuT i nVr fOrgEt abOut iT.. JuSt pLainly maD aT hiM... TOo eGo tO giF iN... HaIx....

BaCk daTe...

As pEr reQueSt... Im lIke uPdaTiNg tHis cOz latEr gT dIs maT cIna wIll naG & naG dE... HahahahHhHhaha... SoRry hOr mat cIna... Miss yOu BeEn a heCtiC dAy foR tHe pasT feW daE... HoW i Wish i cUd strAnglE daT smAll bOsS... ShE jSt sO crAzy fOr poWer... EvErythIng waN to taKe chArgE de... SmAck hEr dEn sHe nOe... NeVer dIe beFoRe... HmmPhhh?!!!! BesIdes dAt i'm glAd dAt dEre's oRdErs cOminG iN tOoo.... BUt it's jUst dAt im abIt sLow lOr... TaKe tIme tO seTtlE thIngs pLus im hAving addItionAl tHings plUs daTeliNes... DaT's y i hAtE oFfiCe jOb... MaKing mE meNtaLly dRaiNed oUt... AnoTher is thaT, im nOt thOse kInd oF pEoplE who dO tHings halFwaY2 dE... I'll b cOnfUsed mySelf... & daT sMall bOss kEpt asKing mE do dIs dO daT... U tHink i RoboT mEh??? I sTill lEarNing sTagE dE.. STuPid oLd laDy!!! BEeN gOing bAck lAte aT niTe jSt tO fIniSh uP tHe wOrk... PlUs iM dOing eXtra wErk alL bCoz of mY unReasoNabLe tEam lEadEr... I nOe la u Sick bUt dUn tAke adVanTagE oF tHat tO mC eVery tiMe... BOdoH!!!' Ok eNuF oF wOrK & nOw tImE tO sAe abOut my liFe.... THings gOing muCh bEttEr dEn bEfoRe fOr mE... URe stIll dEre wEn i fEel liKe taLKing tO u.. BuT i noE my liMit thOugh i dUn fEel liKe fOlloWing it... URe sTill hErs & i cNt haf u.. NT eVen abit... But atLeast i hAf meMorIes about yoU daT cUd kiP me gOing... PlUs i haF my mA cIna stIll.. Though hE haF tO cHange aliTtle bIt.. BuT imPortAnt tHing iS tHat dEep dOwn hIs hEart, hE stIll loVe mE... HopEfUllY im rIght abOut iT.. AnIwaE, im sOooOo nOt gOing tO foRgEt abOut tHis... MaT ciNa gOt maLay gF... WEeee!!!! YoU dEclaRe dAt n i dUn n cAnT bEliEve daT mySelf... I tOt yOu'rE jSt trEaTing mE lIke fWn.. JUst lIke you alWaes sAe... HmmMmmmmm... WaTs moRe caN i saE... I HAD MY BAN MIAN & IM HAPPY!!!!!!!! To b cOntiNuEeeeee.....